Wednesday, 20 July 2016


Since having Ava until relatively recently I have spent nearly every day looking after her and putting her needs before my own.  And then when Esme joined the party I did the same for her.  Whatever my girls needed I tried my best to provide it for them.  That is unconditional love for you.

But what no-one warned me about was the mum guilt that comes along with the joy of motherhood.  It comes in all shapes and sizes and cunningly hides in many forms, but for me the area I found it hardest was prioritising me time.  Putting myself first for a couple of hours to do what I wanted made me feel so bad and guilty that I would avoid it.  I felt like it meant that I was a terrible mother because I craved and needed that time to be totally selfish.

Instead I just tried to throw myself even more into motherhood and focus on its joys despite the voice in my head telling me I needed break.

I should I have listened to it: I should have taken more of the help sooner and more often and not felt like a failure or incapable as a result.

I suppose that is a silver lining of the separation, the me time I now get when the girls are having quality time with their Dad.

It allows me to just be me.  Not a mother but just there to please my self without having to keep in mind someone else's needs or routine.  And it is quite liberating!

I have time to drink cocktails and wear white jeans without the worry of sticky hands staining them.  I can talk about adult things without the theme tunes of children's tv slowly driving me insane.  I get to remind myself of the person I am in my own right.

And do you know what the best thing about it is?

It makes me a better mother for my girls, which is the most important thing to me in the world.  

Top :: Zara // Jeans :: Jamie Jeans Topshop // Shoes :: Ralph Lauren // Bag :: Mulberry //  Trench :: Burberry Brit 

1 comment:

  1. Lottie, I was sad to see you had stopped blogging and then surprised and pleased to see you blogging again here. I do enjoy your posts! I'm sorry to hear things have been difficult personally, but your words are very inspiring to others! Thanks for sharing